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雅思写作网上一对一:9分例文点评

[摘要] *人写的雅思作文有结构但语言不够地道;native speaker写的文章够地道,但不够雅思!因此,市面上总找不到“完美”的雅思例文。此次,我特别邀请我的美国朋友(同样研究和教授雅思)“按照我的要求”写了一些文章,让大家分享一下:

*人写的雅思作文有结构但语言不够地道;native speaker写的文章够地道,但不够雅思!因此,市面上总找不到“完美”的雅思例文。此次,我特别邀请我的美国朋友(同样研究和教授雅思)“按照我的要求”写了一些文章,让大家分享一下:


Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the ‘real world’ when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties . The implications and veracity of this argument seem self-evident, but in fact require closer examination. ( 58words )

点评:

1+ 1 ’ 模式,*后 1 句为主题句。此段的主题句稍微有点特殊,它的确否定了前面所*到的观点,从而表达出了自己的观点,此外还引出了下文。

特别是*后半句:but in fact require closer examination ,感觉是在抛砖引玉。

The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck, and are thus naturally better suited to stretching moneywhen times get tough in adulthood. Inversely, the children of wealthy families, thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths, are believed to be completely ignorant of the value of money, having had everything provided for them in their youth and oftentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in adulthood. They are believed to be prone to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief, though logical, overlooks one key point which is , of course, education. (100words)

点评:

1 ’ +3 模式,第 1 句是主题句。请注意,从此段的内容来看,这是个让步段(即分析自己并不赞成的观点)。虽然 4 段论的作文的主体段是两面讨论,但是小编还是喜欢这样的写作,即主体段的观点还是有侧重的,把让步段放在前面,*后 1 句话引出下一段,这样过度地很自然,而且自己的观点也比较明确!

The basis of this argument is , of course, knowing the value of money, and the idea that children of the poor know this, and those of the wealthy do not . Who though, is in a better position to teach their children the value of money; someone skilled in earning and keeping it, the wealthy parent, or someone who can not seem to acquire it, the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money, whether it is formal, or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education. (101words)

点评:

这段的内容感觉写得不够直接,还是在分析对方观点的漏洞!请注意,前面让步段已经这么写过了,那么这一段*好是正面地论证自己的观点,这样从内容上来说更 convincing 一点!

此外,需要说明的是,大家发现作者的内容还是有一定深度,但是这是要有一定的英语功底才行的!如果英语功底不行的话,建议内容不要写太深,因为那样容易造成*看不懂你在说什么!

A poor child may believe that one can get along, if not as easily, without wealth. A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management; the key to developing this skill is education.

点评:*后一段有点像是*出解决这个问题的办法,即 education。它没有像传统的结尾段那样简单的重申自己的观点。

雅思写作网上一对一:9分例文点评

*后总结:

全文的观点有待揣摩,作者很明显是不赞成题目的说法,即 Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents。但是作者自己是更偏向穷人家的孩子呢,还是富人家的孩子呢?根据文章来看,作者是中立,他所看重的是他们所接受的教育。

In other words,整篇文章又是一次中立的写法。在雅思考试中,这种写法经常使用,还是非常实用的,大家可以学习一下。

此外,文章中有很多好词好句,特别是长句,值得模仿一下,此篇9分雅思作文。 

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